House VS Haley Joel Osment Part 2

Types of RGMCites - A Brain Fart by Ameya Hodarkar

This is an article that I had written for my med school's annual magazine

Of the myriad types of people you may come across in RGMC…..okay I’m lying here. There are only a few kinds of people you may come across in RGMC and by large they can be classified into the following breeds:

1) The Nerd: This is the most successful breed of homo sapiens that RGMC has to offer. A good nerd will often spend a sunny day indoors reading the 108 causes of pyrexia of unknown origin. The nerds are also invariably teacher's pets and sometimes on rare occasions some nerds even manage to get to first name terms with some professors. I won’t say much more about the nerds in this article for two major reasons. Firstly because they have good contacts with the professors and secondly because they are just too boring and monotonous to comment about.

2) The Geek: Do not mistake this breed with the nerd breed. The geeks usually are hopeless when it comes to studying. A geek might not know the full form of the BCG vaccine and might often mistake “mugging” with “buggery”. However a good geek will always be able to tell you the finer differences between a core 2 duo processor and an intel i3. The geeks are rare in RGMC…a dying breed. Some batches may be fortunate enough to have 2 or at the most 3 geeks. Geeks are generally uncomfortable around the opposite gender and may sometimes randomly ask out the class female chick (more on chick ahead) with disastrous consequences of public humiliation. The geeks are sworn antagonists to the lovable jocks (more on jocks ahead).

3) The Dork: A sub variant of the nerd breed. We have evidence to believe that the nerd and the dork evolved from a common ancestor. However where the nerd developed extraordinary cerebral function, the dork pretty much developed nothing…except for maybe massive numbers. A large portion of the masses will comprise of dorks. A genuine dork can always be spotted however by its characteristic calls such as “tum toh mujhe bhool hi gaye ho” or even the quintessential “chal chal tu jah padhai kar”

A dork is a symbiotic creature and spends a large part of its time in groups. Another alternative that a dork has is to stick (I mean literally stick) to a nerd

Sample telephone conversation between a nerd and a dork in love with the nerd:

Dork: Hello

Nerd: Hey…Why did you call??

Dork: Just wanted to hear your voice.

Nerd: You shouldn’t call me like this. I could have finished reading two more pages in this time….goodbye

Dork: Tum toh mujhe bhool hi gaye ho! Chal chal tu ja padhai kar!

4) The Jock: Sub par on intelligence, a jock usually makes up for what he lacks in brains by sheer brawn. Like the Geek the Jock is a dying breed. However it is still more numerous than the geek. Each batch can be expected to have atleast 5 cretins who classify to be jocks. If the nerds are popular among professors jocks are popular among the students. Jocks and geeks are constantly at loggerheads. All jocks consider geeks to be filth who need to be pounded…and all geeks consider jocks to be a**holes (well u might have guessed by now that im a geek). Jocks excel at cricket, bullying, cricket…oh yeah some more bullying and oh I almost forgot…some more bullying. Did I mention cricket?

5) The Chick: The rarest of all breeds. Can also be spelled as Chic; sometimes even Chikat. For a long long time it was debated as to whether the Chick breed is a separate breed or simply a separate gender. Some argued that the chicks are merely good looking variants of the aforementioned 4 breeds. Others argued that not all chicks in RGMC are good looking. Later everyone found out that the “some” were geeks and “others” were jocks and they were all arguing for the sake of arguing.

However comprehensive arguments and long standing discussion did clear some facts. Chicks are now considered a separate breed. All Chicks can also be nerds/dorks/geeks/jocks….in addition to the regular qualities of these groups, chicks exude what we like to call “oomph”. Every batch may have 1-2 chicks. Being a Chick need not mean the person is female or good looking. It is very possible that you may come across a male chick in RGMC. A male chick can often be spotted from a crowd when he utters his characteristic call “aiyya”

6) The Abomination: Finally the Abomination. A chick can also be a nerd/geek/dork/jock. But a chick can never be an abomination. Abominations are variants of dorks. I mentioned before that dorks roam in groups or with nerds. Abominations differ from dorks in being solitary. Most of the time it is the society which converts a dork into an abomination. Halitosis, fetor hepaticus, bad personal hygiene, not washing one’s hands after dressing a case of Fournier’s gangrene may be some of the causes which precipitate a dork into an abomination. If you do come across an abomination be sure to hold your breath for as long as possible and avoid shaking hands.

Well that’s about it I suppose….this is you friendly geek signing off….until next time then….aloha!






If any of the happenings mentioned above seem familiar, it is highly possible that they actually happened in RGMC. It is definitely not a coincidence!! *wink wink*